Brian Burke held a “media conference call” today in regard to the Dustin Penner offer sheet. It may be the funniest event in the game’s history (beating out Harold Ballard who did this kind of thing routinely, Jeremy Roenick who may have had too much sun at a golf tournament and Mel Bridgman buggering up the Ottawa expansion draft) and I do not recall anything the Oilers have ever been involved in that was close this funny. Here we go.
- Brian Burke: I will not be announcing whether or not we will match the offer sheet to Dustin Penner. I’m coming back to Anaheim on Sunday and conferring with ownership.
- MEANING: We’re not going to match this thing, but I’ll be damned if Lowe gets the satisfaction of finding out one second before Thursday. So I suggested to the boss we get the guy who writes for the one daily that pays attention to this stuff and spin this in our favor. This media conference is step one, we’ll put it on the website and the writer can cut and paste. If I could only remember that guy’s name.
- Brian Burke on the offer from Lowe: I think it’s an act of desperation for a general manager who is fighting to keep his job.
- MEANING: I think it’s an act of desperation for a general manager who is fighting for his job because I screwed him over on the Pronger trade and now he’s having a hissy fit the little jerk. And on my day off too, at the BC Hockey Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony and Regatta where I was going to be voted best in show. I kicked the Stanley for God’s sake, and that’s on him.
- Brian Burke: There is just an offer sheet and it’s cut and dried. You either match or you don’t match. There is no sign and trade ability. I believe if you sign a player, you can’t trade him for a year.
- MEANING: I’m not sure of the rules, hell who is? If we do honor this thing, Penner is dealt to the Islanders next season the freaking minute we can deal his ass, and he’s not playing with Getzlaf and Perry either. He’ll love Parros.
- Brian Burke: We haven’t focused on the [draft pick] compensation. The focus is on whether or not to match.
- MEANING: We can get a lot for the Oilers 1st rd pick at the deadline, they’ll be just north of Phoenix by then.
Folks, the only quote you really have to worry about is this one:
- Brian Burke: Edmonton has offered a mostly inflated salary for a player.
and although he didn’t finish the sentence, it goes something like “who we have zero plans to bring back at that price.” He also I believe called Kevin Lowe gutless in there somewhere, but the major news tonight is that Dustin Penner is an Oiler and the Ducks have Edmonton’s first round pick in the 2008 Entry Draft.