Funniest Press Conference Ever

Brian Burke held a “media conference call” today in regard to the Dustin Penner offer sheet. It may be the funniest event in the game’s history (beating out Harold Ballard who did this kind of thing routinely, Jeremy Roenick who may have had too much sun at a golf tournament and Mel Bridgman buggering up the Ottawa expansion draft) and I do not recall anything the Oilers have ever been involved in that was close this funny. Here we go.

  • Brian Burke: I will not be announcing whether or not we will match the offer sheet to Dustin Penner. I’m coming back to Anaheim on Sunday and conferring with ownership.
  • MEANING: We’re not going to match this thing, but I’ll be damned if Lowe gets the satisfaction of finding out one second before Thursday. So I suggested to the boss we get the guy who writes for the one daily that pays attention to this stuff and spin this in our favor. This media conference is step one, we’ll put it on the website and the writer can cut and paste. If I could only remember that guy’s name.
  • Brian Burke on the offer from Lowe: I think it’s an act of desperation for a general manager who is fighting to keep his job.
  • MEANING: I think it’s an act of desperation for a general manager who is fighting for his job because I screwed him over on the Pronger trade and now he’s having a hissy fit the little jerk. And on my day off too, at the BC Hockey Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony and Regatta where I was going to be voted best in show. I kicked the Stanley for God’s sake, and that’s on him.
  • Brian Burke: There is just an offer sheet and it’s cut and dried. You either match or you don’t match. There is no sign and trade ability. I believe if you sign a player, you can’t trade him for a year.
  • MEANING: I’m not sure of the rules, hell who is? If we do honor this thing, Penner is dealt to the Islanders next season the freaking minute we can deal his ass, and he’s not playing with Getzlaf and Perry either. He’ll love Parros.
  • Brian Burke: We haven’t focused on the [draft pick] compensation. The focus is on whether or not to match.
  • MEANING: We can get a lot for the Oilers 1st rd pick at the deadline, they’ll be just north of Phoenix by then.

Folks, the only quote you really have to worry about is this one:

  • Brian Burke: Edmonton has offered a mostly inflated salary for a player.

and although he didn’t finish the sentence, it goes something like “who we have zero plans to bring back at that price.” He also I believe called Kevin Lowe gutless in there somewhere, but the major news tonight is that Dustin Penner is an Oiler and the Ducks have Edmonton’s first round pick in the 2008 Entry Draft.

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34 Responses to "Funniest Press Conference Ever"

  1. rstahl says:

    C’mon LT, you’re making Dennis look like an optimist. No way is this a lottery team, not when you consider since their horrific last quarter they have added the following NHL caliber players:

    1. Tarnstrom
    2. Pitkanen
    3. Souray
    4. Sanderson
    5. Garon
    6. Penner (?)

    Plus the returned vigor of:
    7. Moreau
    8. Staios
    9. Stoll(?)

    The only real losses have been Smith and Hejda.

    Philly’s off season has been similar to Edmonton’s in terms of player addition. Considering Philly lost more talent this off season than the Oilers, do you consider them a lottery team?

  2. Lowetide says:

    rstahl: Let’s start with our own division. Who do you think the Oilers will finish ahead of in the NW?

  3. PDO says:


    Vancouver. They have a top 3 ‘tender and, a great system that augments him and aids his biggest weakness (rebounds), and a solid core of defensemen…

    But Christ, you can’t win games with any sort of consistency when your game plan is basically hold on for dear life when the Sedin’s aren’t on.

    Minnesota is certainly a wildcard, but they’ll go as Gaborik’s groin goes. Colorado is looking like a heck of a team up front, but the defense is still suspect depending on Leopold’s health. Calgary still has no third or fourth line.

  4. PDO says:

    Didn’t mean to post that yet ;).

    Anyway, I think the Oilers can finish in the top 10 in the West with this current roster.

    With some luck (they stay healthy, Kiprusoff goes down, posts, etc.), they’re a playoff team.

    Are they a contender? Not unless Souray has an epiphany, Pitkanen takes 5 steps forward to Hemsky’s 8, and Torres becomes consistent while Horcoff and Staios remain healthy and Roloson steals the show most nights.

  5. Lowetide says:


    1. I really like the Oil goaltending.

    2. I really like Pitkanen and Staios on the blueline and certainly Souray and Tarnstrom will play a lot. Throw in (I guess) Smid and Greene with maybe Grebeshkov getting some minutes and that’s the D.

    3. Top line gets Penner instead of Smyth. The numbers don’t like that trade and I’m being kind.

    4. 2line is intact and I like them all (Stoll-Torres-Pisani).

    5. 3line should be workable with Pouliot and Moreau joined by someone (Mike Johnson?)

    6. 4line could be Reasoner or maybe Brodziak with possibly Nilsson and Sanderson.

    How many of those guys have a history of delivering results agains the toughest opposition? Our top line doesn’t have Ryan Smyth, it has Dustin Penner and he didn’t deliver outscoring results (correct me if I’m wrong) even close to Ryan Smyth.

    The Oilers have done some nice things this offseason. Pitkanen, Garon, the PP should be much better with Souray and Pitkanen and even Penner should help there.

    But they don’t have as many difference makers as they had last season and their schedule is brutal from start to finish.

    The Oilers season will probably turn on the PP results and despite Hemsky being a tremendous talent in that area it’s not going to be enough imo.

    I’m not just saying this now, said it earlier but for the life of me I can’t understand why Lowe wouldn’t have added some nice depth up front (like Mike Johnson)and tried to be competitive with MacT’s button down style.

    This is one weird hockey club.

  6. rstahl says:

    Took the words out of my mouth pdo.

    Vancouver has done nothing to improve their club this off season, and any step forward by the twins will be matched by Naslund’s step backwards.

    As an Oiler fan, I can’t help but see the parallels to Conkkanen with Hardstrom in Minny. We all remember how that worked out…

    I’m still not sold on Budaj in Colorado. Their D isn’t so shit hot either.

    Calgary has made a fairly large bet on D with Aucoin (health) and Phaneuf (continued development), that could turn up snake eyes.

    I’m not saying Edmonton will definately finish ahead of any of these teams; the NW will be a cluster-fuck again this season. What I am willing to say, is that if you total the man games lost due to injury up at the end of the season, it will look awfully similar to the final NW standings.

  7. rstahl says:

    Compared to the team at the start of last season, I think the defense is infinately better, and while there is no way Penner comes close to covering the Smyth bet, I don’t think he has to alone.

    Even in the last quarter, the Oilers problem wasn’t preventing goals it was scoring them. The cry last year was for ‘puck-moving defense men’. If that was true, the improved attack from the back should help cover the offensive (pun intended) hole left by Smyth. Either way, we’ll have a definitive answer to that question from last year :).

  8. Lowetide says:

    I just have a terrible time figuring out the roster as it sits. I can see MacT going with a more traditional checking line up front and leaving the softer minutes for Horcoff-Penner-Hemsky.

    He could go with Stoll-Moreau-Pisani or Horcoff-Moreau-Pisani or even Pouliot-Moreau-Pisani and have them play the tough minutes.

    Do you agree that’s better than Horcoff-Penner-Hemsky?

  9. godot10 says:

    What if they go…

    Moreau, Horcoff, Thoreson
    Torres, Stoll, Pisani
    Penner, Pouliot, Hemsky
    Sanderson, Reasoner, Stortini
    Nilson, Brodziak

  10. trader says:

    Guys, Smyth is gone, let’s let it go. Reading the blogs every move that is made is prefixed with “just think if we had used that money for Ryan” It is as if we traded a player better then Gretzky.

    Personally I think Ryan is driven by $$ and wanted to test the UFA market.

    Just a thought, can you name one contract other then his first that he didn’t hold out (second contract he held out until Sather give in), (third contract signed into training camp) – same player different GM’s. Tells me for all the hometown talk it was still just about money.

    Flame away as I realize that the many of you view any said against Ryan is sac-religious.

  11. PDO says:


    Penner can play either wing, can he not?

    My thoughts (and hopes) since this signing has been announced has basically been:

    34 – 10 – 83
    14 – 16 – Penner
    Moreau – 78 – Nilsson
    Sanderson – Reasoner – Thoresen

    I think 34 and 10 would drive the fans insane with the “missed Hemsky chance factor,” and it’s a bit of an egg line, but I think that line could keep an even head against almost anyone. Last year 78 looked like a guy who could take on some reasonable minutes, and Moreau has been a babysitter for longer than I can remember, so that line looks nice on paper as well, and Nilsson has some finish for Pouliot. The fourth line looks like one that would be like when we had Mike Peca on the ice in February.. ;). Nothing would happen, period. Not a bad thing or a good thing, but they could get out there and play some minutes.

    That second line though – to me that’s the best way we could hope to utilize Penner. He wouldn’t have bite off too much, he’d still have quality line mates, and it’s a physical line (though I worry about the passing) that could do a lot of damage to the other team, both physically and in the scoring department.

    I don’t like the idea of playing Hemsky soft minutes. I want him to be a legitimate PVP option for the next decade, not a Selanne type. The only thing I do like about the idea is that he could have Souray behind him, and hiding Souray while having him in the offense zone with Hemsky at the same time is certainly an idea I could warm up to.

    I agree a lot of things have to go right here, but aren’t we due for some luck?

    Also, assuming the extra spots go to Thoresen, Nilsson, Pouliot and Grebeshkov, the Oilers cap hit currently sits at 46.307. I believe their salary is a shade higher thanks to Souray and Moreau as well.

    If they were to go and sign a Mike Johnson for the third line at a slightly higher cost than a Robert Nilsson, how much better are they? Or, what kind of player could they get for Robert Nilsson and Ladislav Smid if Grebeshkov really is a player?

  12. Jesse says:

    I was thinking the same thing about a Horcoff-Moreau-Pisani line with a Stoll-Penner-Hemsky line getting the ‘soft parade’.

    That’s assuming that we go into the season with the current lineup; I still think that the Penner move makes a lot more sense if Lowe already has a trade lined up to move Torres++ for a legitimate first liner. That would probably have to mean EIG has told Lowe to spend to the cap (at least until Katz goes away).

  13. Lowetide says:

    trader: Ryan Smyth is gone, but not replaced. Surely everyone can see that Penner isn’t close to being Ryan Smyth in terms of ability to thrive EV against the best opposition available in the NW.

    PDO: I like the idea of Pisani on the Horcoff-Hemsky line, and the Penner with Stoll-Torres is an interesting one.

    Perhaps they put Pouliot with Moreau and sign Johnson? Or Thoresen might be able to handle that role but then that’s two guys who have fewer than 100 NHL games to start the season.

    MacT may have to roll 4 lines and have two PK types along with 7 defensemen a night. Something like that anyway.

  14. Paul says:

    Name one contract where the Oilers didn’t drastically try to lowball him.

  15. Lowetide says:

    In the last post I meant roll 3 lines with two pk types as extra forwards. Habs used to do that, and then dress Jimmy Roberts as an extra D (he could also play fwd).

    paul: You mean Ryan Smyth? Can’t name one time.

  16. trader says:

    Paul – if you go back to the contract that he signed with Sather, everyone was complaining that Sather gave away the farm…big bucks for a guy who had had one good year.

  17. dave says:

    LT we were talking trade prior to this. You have to think there is still a strong possiblity of a trade. Right now this team has an outside shot at 8th. Pisani, Torres, Green, Smid,Pitkanen, Rolli. I’d move any combination of these and picks for a top three supersniper for 83. Stoll and Penner on the second line is a nice touch.

  18. Lowetide says:

    dave: I suspect the sniper for Hemsky’s line is Penner (despite PDO’s pretty nice idea above).

    He had 204 shots last season, 2 fewer than Sykora for the Oilers (Ryan Smyth had 210 btw).

    Louise mentioned in the thread below (the first Penner one) about MacT approving of this deal and maybe that means a return of the Marchant-Moreau-Grier line of the early 00′s.

    I still think Lowe might try to flip Horcoff and a defenseman in order to get a C upgrade and if that player is a soft minutes center then I think we’ll have our answer.

  19. YKOil says:

    Great series of posts and comments LT. My issue with the whole thing is that

    yet again

    Lowe has left himself in the position where the player he got HAS to be just THAT good.

    Much like with Souray – any drop in Penner’s performance and the deal is a lost cause.

    I hate those kind of deals.

  20. Lowetide says:

    yk: I just read your blog. Outstanding take with regard to Lowe bidding against himself. For those who haven’t read it, it’s the NOTHING TO SEE HERE blog on the right of this blog. Terrific stuff.

  21. Bohologo says:

    Back to LT’s post, three comments:
    -that was damn funny
    -you are correct that Burke has already shown his cards; his characterization of the numbers tells you all you need to know about his inclination
    -LT, you are not entirely accurate in your last section: the Ducks will not just have the Oilers’ 1st round pick, they will also have #2 and #3. It’s worse than it looks, even if pissing off Burke makes it almost worth it.

  22. choppystride says:

    I don’t think the Penner-Horcoff-Hemsky line will work. Penner simply does not have the speed, skill, or hockey sense to keep up with those two. It’s also not Horc’s or Hemmer’s style to play catch along the wall, which would be the style suitable for Penner. The Oilers, with the urge to showcase/justify their expensive new toy, will probably try that combo initially. But the experiment will be dashed fairly quickly methinks.

  23. Joe says:

    LT we were talking trade prior to this. You have to think there is still a strong possiblity of a trade. Right now this team has an outside shot at 8th. Pisani, Torres, Green, Smid,Pitkanen, Rolli. I’d move any combination of these and picks for a top three supersniper for 83. Stoll and Penner on the second line is a nice touch.

    A couple issues with this, in the pursuit of a top line player.. 1)Sure, you trade Roloson… and then what? Who’s backstopping this team to the playoffs? Garon???? Belfour???? If Roloson gets traded, it won’t be until the trade deadline, to someone who needs goalie help, if the Oil are already out of the running again. To trade him any earlier is to give up on the season already. 2) Pitkanen on only a one year deal is just a rental, and no team that needs a rental like that will give up a top line player for him like that. 3) The rest of the guys you named have yet to prove that they can put up high enough production on a consistent enough level to even be worth a top line player in some sort of package deal.

    Hell, for a 1, 2, and 3, and a little guilt trip over the Pronger deal, I wonder if Lowe couldn’t have managed this as a trade with Burke, and ended up biting a good bit smaller contract in the process, or maybe spread the draft picks over two years or something.

  24. IceDragoon says:

    Good day, Lain & all.

    I just caught Burkie’s scripted tirade on the Score. It included a bit that Sportsnet cut.

    Apparently, according to Burkie, (the great blustering GM who puts his owners in the crosshairs to save himself from any fan backlash and then calls another GM classless and gutless)… players have nothing against the city of Edmonton, but rather, Kevin Lowe is the reason that no one wants to come to Edmonton.

    Here’s something that a person in your position should know, Brian… When you throw dirt, you lose ground.

    You are right about one thing, Burkie. The inflated contracts that KLo has offered to 2 rFAs will impact all 30 teams. (already has… Derek Roy went from $0.627MM a year to $4MM per for the next 6 years.) Just like your contracts to 2 aging uFAs impacts all 30 teams. (altho right now, the weight of your shortsighted decisions is all on you… oh… and your team’s owners. I wonder how they’re taking it.)

    My, but it has been an entertaining off-season… and summer is not even close to done.


  25. oilerdiehard says:

    I’m fine with the deal. Sure it is a little too much money but you do not get an RFA if you offer low money. Even though Brian Burke seems to think that is exactly what Lowe should have done.

    Count me in as one of the ones not convinced our pick will be in lottery territory. I am not saying we are world beaters but I do not believe we are dog meat either. For all we know throwing out names like Stamkos etc… could be like throwing out Bonsignore or Kilger or Gratton and it will be years before we find out one way or the other.

    If we had a bare cupboard, had no good young players on the big club and were thin on draft picks in recent times (ala the Leafs a while back) then I would be more freaked about the picks. As it is I believe we still have a 1st and 3rd for the next draft.

    I say that and I am draft pick / prospect fan and follower (not to LT’s extent but I keep up on it).

    Funny it was a short time ago everyone was accusing Lowe of way overvaluing draft picks in trades and hording them too much. Now he is willing drop some for a guy that can help us now and for years to come and he is accused of not valuing them and throwing them away.

    It is not like Penner is no good and cannot get any better. It is not like he is ready to be over the hill old guy and was handed a big long term deal.

    One thing is for sure this is the most up and down fun off-season I can ever remember. It has been a lot of fun.

  26. jon says:

    From the presser I actually got a completely different impression from most others, that is I think Burke will actually match the offer sheet. He basically said the only reason he hasn’t decided is because he has yet to talk to ownership. Taking that at face value, why else would he need to talk to ownership other than to say, “We’re screwed this year and we need more money. We’re also screwed for next year and I’ll need more money then.” Ownership could of course turn down his request, but I think it’s unlikely since they’ll only be around 1.5 million over their self-imposed cap once Niedermayer retires and they sign the offer sheet.

    Everyone knows Burke is a blowhard and I think it would be unwise to read into his stating the contract is grossly inflated. Of course the contract is grossly inflated, that’s the nature of RFA offer sheets. If it was a reasonable amount Penner would be less likely to sign it and Burke would have no problem with matching it. Basically he’s whining because he knows Penner is more valuable to his team than any other in the league, and if he lets him go then he’s signed a washed-up Bertuzzi for nothing.

  27. jon says:

    Also LT, I see how you enjoy asking who we will finish ahead of in the NW. Very possible candidates: Vancouver, Colorado, and Minnesota.

    Vancouver got lucky as hell down the stretch and I’ll be damned if their lack of scoring doesn’t screw them this year.

    Colorado still has a substantial problem with inconsistent goaltending and defense.

    Minnesota chose Backstrom over Fernandez and I think that’s a big mistake. I followed Backstrom closely last year and he doesn’t have the endurance or composure to be an NHL starting goalie, unless he’s worked on that over the offseason they’re in for a rude awakening. For evidence of this, check out his performance trends in back to back games or weeks where he played 3 or more games. He commonly would get pulled after giving up multiple goals in the first.

    Obviously it’s unlikely we beat all 3 of these teams, but it’s certainly possible we beat one or two of them.

  28. mike says:

    Fun read for me, this thread. Thanks.

    A 24 y Penner is better than a 30+ Smitty, imo. Where they’ve been means nothing compared to where they’re going.

    I like the team being generally about 22 – 24 with a few old dogs who work fairly cheap.

    Kevin Lowe is my favourite GM in hockey. After this even Lou (NJ) isn’t safe.

  29. Whitewoody says:

    4 questions for Lowetide?

    1. Where do you think the oiler pick will be next year? Is it worth waiting?

    2.Do you think the Oiler should say to Pronger when he wanted the trade? Were not trading you ever. I think if they had of forced Pronger to stay. Smyth and a lot of players would still be in oil.

    3. Why in this years draft would Lowe trade 2 1st round picks for 1 1st round pick 5 spots higher? Isn’t it better to have more chances.

    4. if they saved all there money for next year do you think they could of landed any great restricted free agent? and who?

    5.Why is Brian burke so upset if this is such a stupid deal for the Oil? Isn’t there a chance like your article before stated he could be the next Bertuzzi without all the wear and tear. The new NHl needs Big bodies. As the ducks have proved.

    My thoughts:

    Why not wait until next year with all the Great restricted free agents and still keep our draft pick.

    I really think your site is insightful and look forward to your answers.


  30. Lowetide says:


    1. I think the Oilers pick which now belongs to ANA (or will by Thursday) will be top 10 and might be a lottery pick. I’m in the minority on this one but Vic Ferrari is a pretty smart cookie and he thinks 5th.

    2. I thought the Pronger trade was fine. I was wrong, but I liked Lupul and Smid plenty.

    3. I agree completely about the chances. Lowe would have been better served by taking two shots instead of dealing up.

    4. I think Lowe should have tried but at some point lowered his expectations and aim. Mike Johnson can help this team and he’s still available. By the time the Oilers signed Souray they had already added Tarmstron and Pitkanen. It’s overkill, and I suspect they’ll trade one of them now.

    5. Burke’s just mad and this too shall pass. He has himself to blame for the Bertuzzi and Schneider contracts. And while I’m at it, what kind of nutjob tells two of his keys players to “take your time and decide if you want to retire.” That’s just nuts.

    I agree completely about waiting until next year. At the deadline the Oilers might want to comsider dealing off Roloson if they’re out of it, but other than that sign mid level guys like Mike Johnson and bring along some of the kids like Pouliot and Cogliano.

  31. Whitewoody says:

    I agree with you lowtide. Great ideas. I never thought of the Johnson. That might have been a better plan and bring up some. Then get the draft pick. Because there still not going anywhere next year. So you have to build it up. Then next year go for the unrestricted free agents. I don’t know if they could get someone like Heatley. I don’t know why the oilers are rushing to put a team on the ice. Wait till next summer.

  32. mike says:

    Toronto may never win again because everyone there is yelling to win now.

    Oilers have a chance to win future I think because fans in E town say things like, “Lets wait till next summer.”

  33. Dennis says:

    Burke is nothing if not entertaining and make no mistake about it, no GM wants to be the one who’s told how to do his job and where to allocate his dollars and this is what Lowe’s done with the Penner offer. Time was that bosses could take their time in coming up with new contracts for RFA’s but those days may be just about over given that Lowe’s pulled two such rugs out from under unsuspecting feet. So far, it’s only Lowe who’s taken this tact but all you need is one or two other GM’s to follow suit and then it will become much less taboo and eventually it could become the norm.

    For Burke’s perspective, though, this has set the market for what the other two kids will make as well and he’s only gonna be able to keep two of PPG line and the decision will now have to be made on a timeline that’s not by his design.

    Even though I think the offer is an overpay, I don’t think it’s THAT much of an overpay and if you’re gonna pay Hartnell an average of 4 million for close to the same counting stats, then I really can’t damn Lowe for the Penner offer. The whole idea of how many picks and what they could pan out to, that’s for a different time but the one thing I keep coming back to is the guy who turned around LT’s bullets approach re Pronger and surmised that Lowe has to try and win within the last years left on Hemsky’s contract. As good as the 1st rounder in ’08 might be, what’s the chance that him and Hemsky are at peak production at the same time?

    The other thing is that, overall, you can’t really build a team by doing this because there’s only so many picks to give up and obviously a team like Buf now has the spiteful motivation, not sure if they have the money given the coin for Vanek plus Roy, to go out and address their centre ice needs with an offer for Stoll this upcoming summer. Lowe’s trying to live by the sword now but there’s the chance that eventually he’ll die by it as well.

    I can’t fault Burke on some of his points, the whole “desperate GM trying to save his job thing” just totally nails the situation, but the gutless remark is just a bit off. A summer ago Lowe handed Burke the keys to a Cup and didn’t even ask him to fill up the tank and now Brian’s pissing and moaning about a crack in the windshield.

  34. IceDragoon says:

    Sorry, Lain…
    Forgot to address this and then was gone for the weekend. You are so prolific, I almost expected this topic to be bumped off the page.

    Lowetide said:
    dave: I suspect the sniper for Hemsky’s line is Penner (despite PDO’s pretty nice idea above).

    He had 204 shots last season, 2 fewer than Sykora for the Oilers (Ryan Smyth had 210 btw).

    Louise mentioned in the thread below (the first Penner one) about MacT approving of this deal and maybe that means a return of the Marchant-Moreau-Grier line of the early 00′s.

    I still think Lowe might try to flip Horcoff and a defenseman in order to get a C upgrade and if that player is a soft minutes center then I think we’ll have our answer.

    I know we haven’t been able to have our sit-downs recently, but we have discussed the probabilities of MacT going away from his PvP systems since the Smytty trade.

    MacT needs 2 topline ES horses to just tread water with Hemsky, at least till he becomes the third stud. KLo’s (attempted)forward moves haven’t fit this need. Unless he brings in at least one ES monster, regardless of who goes out, I think we’re in for a blast from the past. fwiw – there may be a few teams going the designated checking line route. It worked for the Cup winners.

    imho – You are right about Penner being a shooter for Hemsky. I think a closer look reinforces this notion.

    Smyth – 210 shots in 71 games, 1,471:55 minutes TTOI.
    per game ~ 3 shots
    TOI = 20:43 / ES = 13:56 / PP = 4:34 / SH = 2:13.
    Ryan scored 20 ESGs / 15 PPGs / 1 SHG.

    Penner – 204 shots in 82 games, 1,146:49 minutes TTOI.
    per game ~ 2.5 shots
    TOI = 13:59 / ES = 11:01 / PP = 2:55 / SH = 0.02.
    Dustin scored 20 ESGs / 9 PPGs.

    Up his icetime with an elite playmaker & he should hit 3+ shots a game. Oh, and… he’s smart. ;-D


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