The Texas Rangers scored 30 runs in a game today. It’s incredible. I cannot imagine it. Wow. Incredibly, the Rangers scored in only 4 innings. 2 players had 7 rbi’s each. Baltimore used 4 pitchers, including some poor bastard named Brian Burres who got only 2 outs and gave up 8 earned runs.

Somewhere tonight there is a roto baseball owner who is contemplating something rash. Deep breath. One time Chris Hammond was on my team when he was a Florida starter and he gave up 8 runs in 1.1 ip (something like that) in Colorado. I wasn’t watching the game but tuned in CNN Headline News who used to update the ticker. It was a spring day, and I watched the ticker go to 5 runs in the first and then 8 in the second.

The phone rang, and it was another member of the Roto league I was in (Edmonton Roto League). He said “how about that Chris Hammond!”

I hung up the phone 10 times and broke it, and then I went outside and cut down the tree in my front yard.

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9 Responses to "TEXAS!"

  1. James Mirtle says:

    Fantasy implications for me: Mike Young somehow manages to not get an RBI out of that mess.

  2. mc79hockey says:

    You really need an Alberta Baseball Confederacy expansion team next year LT.

  3. Jake says:

    Hahaha. That’s one of the best stories I’ve ever heard. I had to create an account just to tell you that. That’s how good it was.

  4. Dennis says:

    I don’t understand how you didn’t harm yourself the day they announced the Pronger bounty.

  5. Lowetide says:

    Dennis: I don’t know if you weren’t paying attention, or if you just like seeing me type this, but I liked the return on Chris Pronger when it was made.

    Wrong ‘em boyo, but my Dad always told me to man up when you’re wrong so I’m typing it again.

  6. Whippy says:

    “I hung up the phone 10 times and broke it, and then I went outside and cut down the tree in my front yard.”

    It’s Hunter Thompson-esque without being a ripoff. This is the finest phrase I’ve read in ages.

    I have no idea who Lowetide is (a pro who does this for fun? a hobbyist?) but the mainstream media needs more of this. the literary world too.

  7. Dennis says:

    LT, I just like seeing you type it;)

    Obviously, you’ve mellowed too and you do a much better job of talking yourself into things.

    Otherwise, last summer, you would’ve levelled the entire Pacific Northwest.

  8. Lowetide says:

    Dennis: Plus I’m older and the beer does its job quicker.

  9. Black Dog says:

    Hi there.

    Did someone say beer?

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