What Toronto Media Sounds like to the Rest of Canada

This is Darcy Tucker.

The Leafs have just been given a penalty for being random (my daughter’s favorite word) and Darcy is taking on a leadership role in the photo shown here.

Tucker is hurt, it’s been announced on all earthly media tonight. The Sportsnet headline says LEAFS DEALT MAJOR BLOW and says “he is out of the Toronto Maple Leafs’ lineup indefinitely with ligament damage in his right knee.” Turns out there is some minor damage and surgery is not deemed at this point to be required.

As a public service, I would like to inform the people of Toronto and surrounding area that this makes the people in their community look idiotic. When we see this:

Leafs dealt major blow
“There is slight damage to some ligaments,” he said after emerging from the team’s practice rink dressing room following treatment on the knee by training staff. “We don’t know how extensive it is or how long is will take time-wise.”As of now, it’s indefinite. Hopefully, I’ll get a brace made and we’ll see how it progresses from there.”Surgery is not expected to be required, he said.

The rest of Canada reads it like this:

FUCK!
Well all is lost now. Darcy Tucker is pretty much fucking dead because some guy on Chicago doesn’t know how to play. He’s out forever and now Mats Sundin won’t win the Stanley Cup. God hates us and this is completely unfair.

or:

THE END IS NEAR
News came this evening of the tragic loss of Darcy Tucker to the heretofore healthy Maple Leafs of the Torontos. Sadness marked every street corner and the clocks failed to ring out the passing of hours. Several NHL games continued in other towns, apparently unaware that the outcome of all games no longer matter. Mats Sundin shall not win the Stanley, and a nation weeps.

written by

The author didn‘t add any Information to his profile yet.
Related Posts

13 Responses to "What Toronto Media Sounds like to the Rest of Canada"

  1. Bohologo says:

    It’s funny because it’s true.

  2. doritogrande says:

    I’ll take the first exerpt thanks.

  3. Art Vandelay says:

    My brain interprets it as:
    KARMA PROVEN
    Noted @zzwipe Darcy Tucker finally got what was coming to him. And if the world proceeds according to Allah’s plan, the Leafs will continue never winning the Cup and Harold Ballard will continue burning in hell.

    In other words, a good news story.

  4. therealdeal says:

    Remember two years ago when we practically got hourly updates on the colour of Mats Sundin’s most recent bowl movements?

    On the other hand it makes it even funner when they inevitably lose.

  5. Dcfung says:

    You know Darcy’s actually a nice Alberta boy and most of his antics are “part of the game” and all, but hey, I cheered when I found out he was injured. Does this make me a bad person?

  6. kurri_17 says:

    dcfung: Yes

    I am too.

  7. Rube Foster says:

    Darcy Tucker first ballot hall of famer…only in Toronto.

    If life was fair a guy like Ron Francis would have played his career as a Leaf and all that T.O. hype might actually be justifiable.

    If Tucker played anywhere else other than Toronto he would be just another Scott Walker. I’ll admit a useful player but Fox Creek he’s not the second coming of Teeder Kennedy.

  8. Andy Grabia says:

    That may be the best thing I’ve read all year. Seriously.

  9. Loxy says:

    Ha… I saw the Tucker story on the newswire at school and mentioned to a friend that I was sick and tired of these stories.. so much that I did a rant on air at 7 this morning… it airs again at 12:15 today on evolution1079.com.

  10. Dennis says:

    Nothing trumps the way Hughson behaved during the last Oil/Dys game.

    You give certain guys an inch and they’ll take a foot.

    But if you want any indication of what it would be like if TO actually won a cup, look to the Sox fans in Boston.

  11. dubya says:

    Nothing trumps the way Hughson behaved during the last Oil/Dys game.

    No doubt, I think Hughson’s love for the Sedins is approaching McGuire-Phaneuf levels. I feel like I need a smoke at the end of each of their shifts.

  12. uni says:

    Try living in Toronto with the way the media here is.

    And you should have heard that FSN broadcast of the Phoenix-Edmonton game a few nights back. They went on and on about Gretzky so much I felt dirty afterwards.

  13. 48_briere_48 says:

    I love it the second one was the best though great job

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

© Copyright - Lowetide.ca