April Fool’s

Normally I’d post this tomorrow morning but that is Stan’s day.

We begin with the list from two years ago:

10. Oilers sign Reijo Ruotsalainen for playoffs.
9. Mike Comrie returns money!
8. MacTavish admits: “I never got to know Adam Rita.”
7. Oilers give real reason for not drafting Parise: couldn’t pronounce ZACH.
6. Oilers goalies blame poor season on exclusive use of TOM POTI RECIPE BOOK
5. Lowe reveals why he can’t sleep at night: Rich Winter won’t return my calls!
4. Chris Pronger: “I actually said anyone BUT the Oilers”
3. Tommy Salo releases new book “I NEVER PLAYED THE GAME”
2. Stunning revelation: Jesse Niinimaki now JENNY Niinimaki!AND (drumroll please)
1. Michael Largue in town, wants to see the books!!!!!

That was posted April Fool’s 2006, so the Pronger item at #4 wasn’t really funny at all as thing rolled out. Last year:

10. Kevin Lowe trades up to #1 and selects Angelo Esposito. Tells TSN: “If he’s anything like his father Phil, we’ve got a player. Our scouts like him a hair better than Bonsignore!”
9. Matt Greene enrolls at the U of A, saying “I enjoyed the college experience, but completely forgot about the learning part thingy.”
8. Oilers finally awarded Robin Kovar!
7. Jani Rita named lead in filming of new FLESH GORDON movie. First ticket purchase: Jim Matheson.
6. Ryan Smyth becomes spokesperson for Lubex, with the sell line “come on in for the HOME TOWN DISCOUNT!”
5. Jarret Stoll never recovers from concussion, in fact he forgets who he is. All is saved when Craig Simpson tells him he’s Gretzky.
4. Simpson and MacT give a live interview to Michael Landsberg, and both blurt out at the same time: “I’M in charge of the powerplay? Seriously, ME? Let’s get this straight: Powerplay, in charge, ME?” Cal Nichols passes out on the sectional in his office.
3. Jean Francois Jacques releases CD single “Like A Virgin”. Syvret plays bass.
2. Marc Pouliot announces that next season he’d like to be known as Marco Pouliot, thus beginning a children’s call and response game that will last a century. Rob Tychkowski writes an article ripping MAP in the Sun because it’s difficult for the media to spell his last name.
1. Kevin Lowe: Oilers budget next year: FORTY THREE MILLION!

And now for this year’s top 10:

10. Kenta Nilsson: “Robert’s backchecking a little, may not be my son.”
9. Oilers arena study comes back with top suggestion: Build rink around Paul Lorieau.
8. Kevin Prendergast admits to passing on Cherepanov “because we couldn’t pronounce name.”
7. Curtis Glencross signs three-year contract for $750k a season and exclusive access to “the Glengarry leads.”
6. In honor of Stan Weir, the NHL changes the FO circle to the FU circle.
5. Hollywood to release new Kevin Lowe horror movie: “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.”
4. Michael McGeough: “I called that goal off just to piss off MacTavish!”
3. Billy Moores new book: “I’m the smart one. Honest.”
2. Rachel Hunter drops Jarret Stoll because “he can’t score at even strength.”
1. Darryl Katz changes mind, decides to buy Flames because “they have better dental.”

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12 Responses to "April Fool’s"

  1. Ribs says:

    Aw, I was hoping for a new single from JFJ. The last allbum was da bomb….Yo.

  2. Mike says:

    I love the “I still know what you did last summer”

  3. Oilman says:

    LT – that Angelo Esposito thing made me laugh out loud. I kid you not – last year about a day after the draft I was in my backyard playing with the offspring and I hear a conversation between my neighbors…”I can’t believe the Oilers passed on that Esposito Kid”…”Is he Phil Esposito’s Son?…Oh yeah…his or Tony’s, I can’t remember which one”

    The same two neighbors a month previous….”I’m going out to see the fight tonight”…”oh yeah, should be a good one”….”I know – I hope Mayberry kicks De La Hoya’s ass”

    I need better neighbors

  4. Pat H says:

    The promo poster for #5 (oddly enough, my brother actually made this a few months ago)

    “I know what you spent last summer”

  5. ClaytonMagnet says:

    Love #6.

    On an eerie note… Each year, one of these has been proven to be true; the Pronger one in 06, and imo the Stoll-not-recovering one from last year. Will it continue?

  6. PDO says:

    Oilman:

    Poor college student with extensive sports knowledge says he will move into your neighbours place immediately if you buy it for him :-).

  7. kanadienkyle says:

    “Rachel Hunter drops Jarret Stoll because ‘he can’t score at even strength.’”

    I believe you owe me a cup of coffee, a keyboard and my dignity.

  8. Oilman says:

    PDO – A $500,000 neighbor isn’t necessarily a better one:o)

  9. Tyler says:

    “Rachel Hunter drops Jarret Stoll because ‘he can’t score at even strength.’”

    Even worse, I hear that on the PP, there’s no touch, no finesse…he just stands at the point and blasts away.

  10. Black Dog says:

    The Nilsson one is a beaut.

  11. HBomb says:

    Curtis Glencross signs three-year contract for $750k

    If one is going to come true off this year’s list, how about this one? I know I wouldn’t argue with such a contract for GlenX…

  12. Dennis says:

    On #7: I like GlenX but Jack Lemmon REALLY deserves those leads. Can’t anything ever go right for Old Gil?

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