YOUR GUIDE TO SURVIVING THE LOCKOUT

I have put together a very compelling list of things to discover over the next weeks, months and years while Gary Bettman and the Playboys play This Diamond Ring.

Look, chances are you outkicked your coverage in the lady department. Don’t feel bad, almost all of us do and this might be a time to reward the fairer sex. After all, if she didn’t leave after getting a whiff of the hockey equipment she’s not going to leave for anything, and God knows there have been a few nights where you got to choose the entertainment (and you can’t count having beer on the sofa and watching sports as a ‘win’ for her. If you want to go that route at least take her somewhere so she can feel like it’s a night out). So take the time to spoil her. Listen to what she says, ask her opinion, let her choose for once and maybe take the dog out to poop without making it feel like its her Christmas present.

And by the way–just in case you think I’m lecturing–the above paragraph was dictated word for word to me by my wife as Mrs. Lowetide explained once again how life works.

OIL KINGS

Great entertainment, plus we get to see a few Oiler draft picks develop. Martin Gernat and Mitch Moroz are the headliners for Oiler fans but this team should buzz all year and that Lazar fellow would make a very nice Oiler at next year’s draft.

Movies are always fun and with the lockout maybe you could also have popcorn AND milk duds. There are a lot of good movies on the way and several that you might have missed. Last movie I went to was the one with Tommy Lee Jones playing the role of my Grandpa when I was a kid. God what a grump.

This is my dog. Ziggy. My daughter named her after the Bowie song. She’s been with us since December, and damned if she isn’t just about the best thing about my life these days–although of course I did marry a good woman who loves me and my kids are good people.

It brings up an interesting question for men my age. In case of fire, who do you drag out first? My wife smells calamity 20 miles away so she’d wake up first, tell me to get out of bed and wake the kids. After that, I figure they’re smart enough to find their way out and the dog is the only one who greets me at the door anymore.

Gotta say I’d probably grab the dog first. A man has to be honest with himself.

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25 Responses to "YOUR GUIDE TO SURVIVING THE LOCKOUT"

  1. Alpine says:

    Thought for sure you would find a way to plug the Spurs in there, LT.

  2. Lowetide says:

    I saved the Spurs, Barons and ‘cool new drinks i’m learning since bartending in my 20s’ as the second installment.

  3. blackdog says:

    I’ll trade you this fucking cat for that little beauty. Erm, I mean, um.

    Goddamnit I miss my dog!

    And if there was an emergency the dog would be last one out, their motto is ‘No Human Left Behind’

    Great stuff LT. I am going to spend this winter playing even more hockey than usual (2 teams plus outdoor shinny) plus my little guy will play his first game ever in a the next couple of weeks so that’s going to be the greatest.

    I hope he plays into his seventies like one of my uncles did (and I hope to).

    I’m on the players’ side all the way here. They’re going to lose but man is this league ever run by a bunch of scumbags.

    /drinks

  4. jake70 says:

    Blackdog, if it is a black cat, send it via airmail, I’ll take it, add to my other 2 black ones. So after scrambling to get my Oiler jersey out of closet in spare room, will go rescue the cats in case of fire. (although if that silly arena drama resutls in the Seattle Oilers, the jersey will burn…. ;) )

  5. yawto says:

    Think of it this way. If you locked you wife and your dog in the trunk of a car for a half hour, which one would be happy to see you when you opened it up? Take the dog.

  6. Mr DeBakey says:

    I’d take Golden Bears hockey over the WHL
    Its probably better hockey, certainly cheaper and the beer is better.
    And the arena is funkier.
    No corporate welfare bums!

    Southampton is back up in the EPL.
    Those suckers were up for a quarter century
    I sure missed them when they went down.
    Not off to a roaring start, but its early days, early daze.

    By Xmas last year I was hardly watching the Oilers games.
    If I had nothing [NOTHING] to do, I’d tune in until Khabi let in another bad one and turn it off.
    i spent more time on game threads than games I think.

  7. hunter1909 says:

    I’ll be able to keep pretty busy during the upcoming lockout…reading “Heroic Cats of World War 2″; also “Cats Who Helped Shape Human History With Their Virtue”.

  8. Southern Oil says:

    Love the picture of the dog. Reminds me of my Lhasa Charlie growing up – right down to the color of the ears. They are almost spitting images of each other. One of the biggest alpha dogs I have ever come across. After coming into contact with one or more dogs (shape and size didn’t matter), after a few minutes, they would be taking cues from the little Lhasa. He would eat from other dog bowls at will. No problem. My dad thought it as a riot, which made it ever better.

  9. Lowetide says:

    Hahaha.My dog is the same way. Sits on the back of the sofa looking out on the street and waits for the exact moment to bark like a freaking maniac. Scares the daylights out of people. Aggressive when anyone has food, but extremely easy to train and smart as a whip. I’ve had many dogs in my life, this one would have had all their money by noon.

  10. Southern Oil says:

    My dad made a plywood box (covered with carpet) that sat in the front living room window. We lived in a split level so it was higher up off the ground. The dog was king from that perch. Let the neighborhood know who ran it. Agreed about the breed – smart as hell. My current dog, a terrier, love him as I do, is dumb as a post in comparison.

  11. bookje says:

    In case it was missed at the end of the last thread. This should get those of us who remember the 70s and 80s a few hours of lockout entertainment.

    http://my-retrospace.blogspot.ca/

  12. jonrmcleod says:

    I’ll be here in Halifax scouting Nathan MacKinnon for the Oilers.

  13. Gerta Rauss says:

    For those on the Westcoast OKC plays the Heat in Abbotsford on Nov 9 and 10-assuming the NHL is still dark it might be an opportunity to see Nuge and the gang up close.

  14. D says:

    LT,

    In 1992, when the players went on strike, I remember wanting the strike to be resolved as quickly as possible because the Oilers were on a winning streak and were poised to do well in the playoffs. In 1994, even though the wheels had fallen off the team, I wanted the lockout to be resolved because in 1994 pre-second-oil-boom Edmonton, there wasn’t that much to do.

    In 2004, the internet was still relatively young with fewer video and entertainment options than today. I was still interested in 2004, not necessarily for a quick resolution, but for the desire to see a salary cap put in place – to give the Oilers a better chance of staying viable in Edmonton.

    In 2012, the NHL is playing a dangerous game. The number of entertainment options is approaching near infinity. Sorry to say, in 2012, the Oilers and the NHL just don’t mean as much (to me at least) as they did in 1992. I can get as much entertainment value watching an 80′s playoff game on Youtube or doing something else entirely unrelated to hockey.

  15. Ribs says:

    The only problem with being mad about a possible lockout is being an Oilers fan. If they go the entire season and the young guns contracts get pushed back, it’s like getting a year of development for free. Sure, we miss a year of watching, but I don’t think anyone reasonably thinks that the Oilers are winning the cup next season.

    I’ve got a Chihuahua and he rules the roost as well. I swear he thinks he’s a German Shepherd whenever someone knocks on the door. He usually spots them from his perch atop the couch as well.

  16. kosiork says:

    Just returned from the NAHL showcase (also lots of high school and AAA games going on) and am happy to report 4 Oiler scouts in attendance. More than any other team. Happy to see them back in MN.

  17. Lowetide says:

    Interesting. What exactly is it? A tournament of all-star teams or a quick pre-season tourney.

  18. kosiork says:

    Lowetide,

    It’s the season kick-off for the NAHL so all of their teams are present. The Minnesota high schoolers play in the “Elite League” prior to the regular season, with several regional all star teams plus a Wisconsin team ( North Dakota plays on a MN team). There are also several AAA team playing (Little Caesars, POE, Chicago Mission etc). 8 rinks of hockey for 5 days. Lots of college and pro scouts and generally a good time.

  19. Mr. K says:

    Mr DeBakey:
    I’d take Golden Bears hockey overthe WHL
    Its probably better hockey, certainly cheaper and the beer is better.
    And the arena is funkier.
    No corporate welfare bums!

    I’m with you on this. In my opinion Golden Bears hockey is the best local hockey to watch.

  20. fuzzy muppet says:

    I live in the states and have zero access to any OHL, WHL QMJHL and VERY minimal AHL action. I’m going to be asking for links like crazy…

    this whole thing makes me wish I had the fortitude to swear off the NHL and all the greedy pricks involved. Damn Oilers and their young guns. I know I’ll be back ASAP.

  21. GetYerAivazoff says:

    Your wife dictated the phrase “outkicked your coverage?” Pretty cool!

  22. Dalton says:

    That dog looks kind of like my dog, but mine is grey, black, and white, and seems to have a longer snout. God I love dogs. My dog is so damn smart, she can do anything. She doesn’t need a leash to go for a walk, plays a disciplined game when other dogs chirp her, and she’s just lovely. I love dogs so much.

  23. VOR says:

    Mrs. Lowetide sounds like a pistol. There is an old timey expression. However, she is also zeitgieztein (is there such a word – would it be spelled like that?) In the Journal yesterday they had a local restauranteur (owns Normand’s) talking about how fine dining booms every time there is a labor dispute in the NHL. A lot of husbands end up spending that disposable income taking their wives out for fancy meals. I have been assured far more money gets spent on dog treats and toys as well. So LT sounds pretty typical. His wife and his dog run him (well if there isn’t hockey).

    I, by the way, have no room to talk. My wife decided that if the strike persists this early spring we are going to go to Finland. Friends keep inviting us and my wife loves saunas. I did get her to compromise and set it up so I could see Rasmus Ristolainen and Aleksander Barkovsky play. I probably lost some brownie points. Helps that she loved Tikk.

  24. Bushed says:

    Great column and some great replies (Blackdog, Yawto–hilarious!).

    As a dog owner and a husband, all the above resonates with me. My dogs are huge and outside, so they would not need saving (they keep the bears away out there), but I can relate to the sentiments.

    Guess I’m lucky in that my wife is likely an even bigger Oiler fan than I am, so going to games or watching them on the tube does rate as a “win” in her books.

    She even laughed at Yawto’s comment.

    How about some guest columns by Mrs. LT?

  25. Thinker says:

    My sog has the same toy.
    God bless the bargain bin at petsmart..

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