Winterlong

This is me in Whonnock, British Columbia at age 3. I have just thrown a giant football at my Dad, and they are about to put a cowboy hat on me (you can see, even at an early age, I was devoted to fashion). In many ways, I have lived a life of pure joy. I acknowledge that I am not the most serious human you will come across, but I have figured out some things. It is better to go through life with the feeling that good is all around you, joy is to be valued, and love, in all forms, is the sweetest emotion under heaven.

Things you love sometimes slip away, but you go on loving them anyway. It’s coming up on two years since I lost Jo-Anne, and the pain comes less often but remains intense upon arrival. If I could build a door to keep that feeling out, I’d empty by bank account today in order to get it done. However, I accept that pain as a reminder of how intensely we loved each other, how deep our bond became.

I love the fall. I can go for longer walks, and that means more time to think and make sense of my little world. You know, I’ve changed a lot in these two years. I can cook much better now, I have so many chores I don’t know when the work ends and the rest begins in a day. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by my capacity to accept what my life is now, and I am completely blown away by my children’s ability to adapt and to find happiness through great pain.

I love the cool air, when you can see your breath and the fall sweater gives you warmth on a chilly morning. I love taking Ziggy for walks these days, she is older now (13 next month) and we don’t go as far as we did in the past. She loves it though, dogs have the terrain scoped out with scents and deposits and my girl needs to know the news so we stop quite a bit.

I love the anticipation of a hockey season. I don’t share the impatience for Stanley most of you feel, I have always enjoyed the build more. I will be happy for younger Oilers fans when the team finally wins Stanley No. 6, but have reached a point in my life where winning or losing doesn’t have the impact it did in 1984. It’s the journey I find compelling.

I think it’s because these old eyes have seen so many men toil for this club who deserved a championship. Fernando Pisani, Ryan Smyth, Shawn Horcoff and many others thrilled the crowd, delivered their best, and have my enduring respect because of it. How can I place those men, and their teams, in a different light than the team that won five Stanley Cups? The 2006 team lost Game 7 in 2006. They damn near tied that game in the third period. Luck. Luck good and bad is the author of so many things that are at very least unfair.

I have arrived at the same conclusion about last year’s team. Whatever may come, this year and the ones to follow, I regard the 2023-24 Edmonton Oilers as a brilliant hockey club, one worthy of elaborate and pleasing verbal. So close. So close and yet so far. As the years roll by, for me, it’s the experience and memory of these moments that makes me feel alive, win or lose.

My girl Jo-Anne walking out of the Tastee-Freeze in Red Deer with that Cheshire cat smile on her face; the many hours we spent on the beach in Cancun; the Christmas mornings with the kids; watching these two young children of mine blossom as human beings and finding their way; a puppy who is still thrilled to see me even though she can’t see or hear well; being able to walk by a photo of Jo-Anne and smile instead of cry, or maybe both at the same time. Sitting in this old chair with the dog at my feet, growling if I even twitch. Finding baseball again after all of these years, and finding it both different and the same in equal (and delightful) measure. Finding someone again after all of these years, and finding it both different and the same in equal (and delightful) measure.

For me, spring became the fall. I am here through grace. I am so delighted to have hope and anticipation and to care for people and things this deep into a life experience. I don’t know what will happen this winter, but will be present in the moment. I care, I love, I remember. I am so happy to be here. Now.

A busy day on the Lowdown, we get started at noon on Sports 1440. Guests will include Daniel Nugent-Bowman at The Athletic with special guest Rose Namajunas in the noon hour. I’m at Lowetide on twitter, in the comments section here and on the Sports 1440 text line at 1.833.401.1440 directly.